


endings and beginnings

by g5rae



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Blood and Violence, M/M, Swearing, Vampire AU, angst ?? pinning ?? slow burn ?? hopefully all of it and maybe more !!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g5rae/pseuds/g5rae
Summary: kihyun dreads this night, he hopes the sun will never set and will freeze right at the horizon, forever trapped between morning and evening - both and neither at the same time. yet the time is cruel, the night comes anyway, kihyun has to get ready for whatever trick minhyuk will pull him into once again. after so many years you would think kihyun would learn; though it’s not like he doesn’t try to talk minhyuk out, it’s more like minhyuk knows ways around kihyun’s heart.
Relationships: Chae Hyungwon & Lee Minhyuk, Chae Hyungwon & Yoo Kihyun, Lee Minhyuk/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. Part 1 - Epilogue

**Author's Note:**

> this is a prequel to [ you're gonna fall, but i'll catch you ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29586483) , you can read this one separately however

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw cw blood , injuries , death , mentions of abuse , swearing

minhyuk has become the only thought in kihyun’s head: how his jaw connects to his neck, how he keeps waving his hands around while explaining something to kihyun, how nice and soft must his lips be with how much he smiles and laughs. this should feel wrong, but it doesn’t; everything about minhyuk feels nice, everything about him feels right. up until their teen years kihyun was convinced that loving minhyuk is the most natural thing in the world, then he met some people who didn’t because apparently he was too loud, too improper, too uncontrollable. it still feels weird to kihyun; how can you control the sun? how can you tame it? it is the way that it is, you either love it or there is something wrong with you.

“kihyun, you’ve been staring at the same spot for too long”, - kihyun blinks and slightly turns his head to meet minhyuk’s gaze, - “any interesting thoughts to share?”

“yes, i have one about how much you stink”, - minhyuk dramatically gasps.

“i do not stink! i smell pristine”, - kihyun laughs, minhyuk stands up to face him, - “smell me, i smell of the most exquisite perfumes!”

kihyun slaps away the wrist shoved in his face and stretches, he will need to get back to work soon. minhyuk sits down next to him and sniffs the air close to kihyun’s neck. (kihyun can swear his heart stopped existing for a moment, one moment it was in his chest and the other – it wasn’t there anymore).

“you smell like daisies”, - minhyuk smiles at him with so much warmth, kihyun could melt away.

“i need to go back”, - minhyuk pouts but takes the outstretched hand to stand up anyway. when they were little he would actually cry when he had to be separated from kihyun and beg for kihyun to stay by his side forever; he doesn’t ask for it now. (probably knows that kihyun would do it anyway).

kihyun makes way back to the kitchen, but minhyuk catches his hand.

“you remember about tonight, right?” – the mischievous glint in minhyuk’s eyes is too much to handle, kihyun knows he should decline, he should make minhyuk decline too.

“i do”, - he gets pulled yet into another minhyuk scheme, this definitely won’t end well. minhyuk smiles at him. (kihyun would follow him to hell).

* * *

kihyun dreads this night, he hopes the sun will never set and will freeze right at the horizon, forever trapped between morning and evening - both and neither at the same time. yet the time is cruel, the night comes anyway, kihyun has to get ready for whatever trick minhyuk will pull him into once again. after so many years you would think kihyun would learn; though it’s not like he _doesn’t_ try to talk minhyuk out, it’s more like minhyuk knows ways around kihyun’s heart.

“knock knock, anybody’s here”, – kihyun sighs, just relax and take the wave head on.

“it’s me, little fox”, - minhyuk opens the door, kihyun’s mind freezes. he looks very good. (too good, he looks way too good, how to take all this goodness in).

“you look beautiful”, - kihyun can’t believe it wasn’t him saying this, but minhyuk. to him. about him. about kihyun. minhyuk said kihyun is beautiful. – “ready to go? we will have to walk for some time before getting to the carriage”

kihyun nods and rushes minhyuk from his room, the sooner they will start moving the better. (minhyuk thinks kihyun is beautiful, minhyuk said kihyun is beautiful).

* * *

they arrive at the house kihyun’s never been to; it looks too dark, too cold, kihyun shivers and reaches closer to minhyuk. he really doesn’t like this, he very strongly dislikes all of this. the air around sounds like danger, kihyun can feel the smell of decay and blood.

minhyuk starts excitedly whispering something about how lucky they are to get invited to this house play, the host uses some new technique to fake death of the actors and minhyuk will figure it out tonight. kihyun doesn’t doubt he will; this is minhyuk’s thing – learning about how things are made, picking things apart to their bones if need be so he can see why they work this way and then he talks about it until he finds a new thing to break down and learn about. now his thing is special techniques and mechanisms used in plays for different things, for example, the ones used to create an image of death.

kihyun nods and stays as close as he can, he can’t help but feel unsettled; there is something so wrong about it, this house, the play being shown so late. some of the guests are out of normal as well, staying in the shadows, turning their faces so no one will see them. if this is simply a play shown at the comfort of someone’s house, what is with this secrecy?

“what kind of play is it even?” – minhyuk looks at him with so much sun in his eyes.

“it is always something new, written by the host himself based on his life”, - minhyuk is overly excited, kihyun’s chest hurts from how intense the light in his eyes are. – “can you imagine? to have such life to be able to write a different play every couple of days?”

“i cannot, it does sound wonderful”, - minhyuk nods and smiles wider.

the lights go out. kihyun panics a little and grabs minhyuk’s hand. the lights come back in the center of the room, kihyun breathes out, it means the play must start now. (he doesn’t let go for now, minhyuk doesn’t seem to mind anyway).

the play itself tells a story of a young boy – rich, carefree, careless – meeting the devil; the boy is intrigued, the boy is fascinated with the ways the devil moves, the boy wants to know how the devil works. (kihyun holds tightly on minhyuk, it doesn’t help that the actor looks so similarly to minhyuk too).

the last scene is coming around with the boy getting so close to the devil, he reaches out to the devil’s heart – and gets stabbed through the chest. the room is filled with screams, minhyuk whinces too. kihyun squeezed minhyuk’s hand too tight, he apologizes and lets go.

“wow, amazing, it looked so realistic”, - blood, kihyun smells blood. – “kihyun, you alright? you got scared?”

“i think he is dead, minhyuk. he looks dead”, - they need to get out of here. kihyun was right this whole time, he should’ve trusted his instincts and simply closed minhyuk in the room until the morning.

“that’s silly, they wouldn’t kill a boy in front of all the guests”, - kihyun looks to minhyuk; his eyes are glinting with curiosity and anticipation. kihyun is usually fond of this kind of shimmer in his eyes but not when it’s called out to make an appearance by a very possible death of someone.

“minhyuk, i think-“

the boy stands up and bows to everyone; the room explodes with amusement and relief, minhyuk’s eyes ignite with even more intense fire than before.

“i need to meet the host, i hope he explains how this was made”, - kihyun can still taste the blood. he meets the boy’s eyes – they are glazed over, far away, full of something foreign, non-human.

“the great master doen’t open his secrets, or how does the saying goes”, - kihyun feels like throwing up at the sound of this voice. he turns and sees an older man, dark hair, ever darker eyes. (they look dead).

“oh you must be the host! wonderful play! especially the last scene!” – kihyun wants to yank minhyuk out of here and then run with him, run until their legs don’t give out. – “i would love if you at least let me see this trick up-close”

“and how i can possibly say no to someone this charming?” – kihyun’s lungs are full with the smell of decay yet again, the host must be the source of it.

“minhyuk, it is getting too late, we should go back”, - minhyuk’s eyes are burning, they are the hottest and brightest source of light in this room. kihyun needs to put it out until he burns himself to ash.

“your friend is right”, - minhyuk sighs with a slight pout, usually kihyun would feel upset with himself but now he wants out of here so bad it doesn’t matter. – “but you can always come again. in three days from now, i will be showing a new play and welcome you to watch it from the front row”

“of course! we will surely come!” – the host doesn’t look like he likes the sound of “we” or, maybe, he simply doesn’t like kihyun. it doesn’t matter, if kihyun doesn’t find a way to stop minhyuk from coming he will come with to make sure minhyuk is safe.

“i will be expecting you”, - kihyun hates the way this man looks at minhyuk – the way predators look at their prey. – “and your friend, of course”

kihyun bows and pulls minhyuk slightly to follow him. he needs to breathe in air that’s not stained with the smell of dead flesh and burning wax.

they make it back safely with minhyuk going on about the play and how well that young boy played his role, it seemed so real especially the death part. (too real, it was too real, kihyun still can taste the metal). minhyuk keeps musing about the lights and how they were controlled by someone, he should try this as a way of tricking his teachers. kihyun laughs a little, he’s glad minhyuk likes him enough to be his friend otherwise his life would be miserable.

minhyuk walks into kihyun’s room and lays down at the bed still discussing all the plot details he noticed, talking how he should write a play of his own and all the things he could possibly write about. kihyun nods along, he is too tired to stop minhyuk so he simply lets him talk and talk and talk, while he quickly washes his face and starts changing to the clothes more suitable for sleeping.

“what if i wrote about you?” – minhyuk’s voice sounds huskier then usual, he must be exhausted by now. – “what if i made you only talk with praises about me? that would be nice”

“go back to your own room, i want to sleep”, - minhyuk huffs out air with a pout.

“see, my kihyun wouldn’t be telling me to go away”, - it makes kihyun break into a little smile.

“oh, what would you _your_ kihyun do then?” - kihyun sighs, all of this is nonsensical feverish with excitement talk.

“he would let me sleep in his bed”, - minhyuk is definitely tired, his words tangle in the husk of his tone.

“and where would he sleep then? on the cold floor at the legs of his master?” – kihyun doesn’t want to bite, minhyuk bleeds anyway. he turns to look at kihyun, his eyes full of so much softness it spills onto his features. kihyun feels quilty.

“kihyunie, don’t say that”, - kihyun bleeds too. – “my kihyun would sleep with me, by my side”

kihyun wishes he was minhyuk’s kihyun, he wishes so strongly he could sleep by minhyuk’s side, warm and safe. but he is his own kihyun. so he lets himself brush away minhyuk’s hair out of his (beautiful, so beautiful) face and then tells him to get out.

minhyuk looks sad leaving, but kihyun isn’t falling for this trap. he won’t let himself forget who he is and who minhyuk is; whatever these feelings in his chest are he can push them away, paint them as gratitude, attachment, endearment. it is easier to brush minhyuk away, it is easier to not look into minhyuk’s words and actions, it is easier to close the door and go to sleep.

so kihyun does that.

* * *

the next few days minhyuk keeps talking about the play, about how talented must the host be to create something like this, how excited he is to watch it from the up-close. kihyun wants to throw up, he keeps trying to joke about it, but minhyuk fires up even more at his words.

“wow, minhyuk, it is almost as if you’re in love with the host”, - kihyun will most surely throw up, he can only hope this isn’t the case, he can only pray and hope for minhyuk to not be this careless.

“what? gross. kihyun, that man is my father’s age. i just think he is very smart”, - kihyun exhales, he can keep breathing. he really should stop giving such little credit to minhyuk. – “why are you asking? are you jealous?”

“you talk a lot about him, that is all”, - kihyun has dug himself a hole and now he has to climb out of him somehow. minhyuk already has that smug smile on his face. – “i have to go back for work”

“oh, of course. now that you know my heart is free-“

kihyun leaves the library, minhyuk laughs and follows him.

“kihyun, wait up, wait”, - minhyuk catches him by the hand and pulls closer. – “why did you get so flustered? maybe, you are interested in that man then-“

kihyun tries to walk away again. minhyuk is simply having fun, as they usually do together, he doesn’t intend to be cruel. but that’s how his words feel right now, kihyun doesn’t want to show how hurt he is, because he will have to explain why.

“alright, i am sorry, kihyun. i won’t joke about it anymore if it upsets you”, - kihyun is reflecting his hurt onto minhyuk’s face, into minhyuk’s voice. he should’ve went along with the joke, he should’ve laughed instead of being so selfish.

“it is fine, i do need to go back to work or else i will get scolded”, - minhyuk steps away. kihyun goes back to being who he was supposed to be this whole time. life resumes. (why does it hurt why does it still hurt so bad).

* * *

time isn’t on kihyun’s side yet again. if it was he would simply freeze today’s evening with minhyuk coping one of his teacher’s tone while reading his notes out loud to kihyun; he would freeze time with minhyuk’s sitting so close, so warm, with his eyes brimmed with mischief, searching for kihyun’s smiles; kihyun would stop this moment and live in here forever, with minhyuk.

time is cruel, that is why it's friends with the fate. the sun sets and minhyuk is illuminating the darkness with the fire in his eyes, kihyun needs to keep his cool to keep them both from burning. (kihyun wants to run, he wants to pick minhyuk up and carry him out of this insanity).

“kihyun,-“

“i do not like this, i don’t like that man”, - minhyuk nods, he is only half-present. whether kihyun comes or not does not matter as long as he gets to uncover the mystery his brain is set on. but it matters to kihyun. – “i will go with you, i am not leaving you alone with him”

“thank you, kihyunie”, - minhyuk gifts him with a soft smile and then stands up offering hand to help kihyun up. kihyun steps too far or, maybe, minhyuk steppes too close, but they end up almost nose to nose, kihyun can see a little pretty mole on minhyuk’s face. (he wonders if it’ll taste sweet, he wonders if there is a kihyun who knows whether it does).

fire in minhyuk’s eyes changes into something else, something unknown to kihyun; he can only hope his own eyes look calm and not too desperate. kihyun knows he should move away, but he doesn’t want to, he wants to stay here. minhyuk looks away from kihyun’s eyes, on his lips; it makes kihyun’s skin tingle, his stomach buzzes and twists.

“we will be late”, - kihyun reaps the moment in half, minhyuk turns away before kihyun can catch his thoughts.

“you are right, i need to find out how the death can be faked that way”, - his voice sounds calm as he walks away, kihyun follows. he did the right thing. (then why does it never stops from hurting, why being right is so painful).

the house doesn’t look any better, in fact it looks even more menacing than the last time. tonight is colder too, kihyun regrets not wearing a coat, he regrets even more not making minhyuk wear one as well. the guests in the shadows are all the same, while guests standing in the lights are mostly new; kihyun notices a couple of familiar faces – some boys minhyuk, and therefore kihyun, are acquainted with.

kihyun can’t shake the feeling of death nearby, not in a way that someone will die tonight but in a way that someone already did die here. when the lights go out to gather in the middle he doesn’t get scared anymore, minhyuk takes his hand in despite the fact that they’re standing right in front of the stage so the lights catch them too. kihyun knows he should pull his hand away, but everyone is too engrossed with the play, it doesn’t matter.

tonight’s story is about a boy falling in love with the son of the house he works at, the son toys around with the boy, pulling him in and pushing him away at his amusement. when the devil shows up the son sacrifices the boy to him for knowledge and power, the boy stabs both himself and the son as a way to save them both from the devil or, maybe, as a way to take revenge on the cruel son and boy’s even crueler heart.

kihyun can feel minhyuk’s grip tighten, minhyuk will crush kihyun’s bones; kihyun doesn’t mind, anything is better than the pain in his chest. this play was meant for him, the host is toying around with him, but for what? to get to leave minhyuk’s side? kihyun will never do it.

“did it clear some things for you?” - the two of them jump at the voice.

“not really, i was too focused on the plot i didn’t even realize what happened”, - minhyuk is still loosely holding onto kihyun’s hand.

“i found the ending stupid, in the boy’s place i would’ve killed the devil”, - minhyuk turns to kihyun with so much amusement in his eyes. the host looks at him for the first time, kihyun hates this, he never wants to look into these eyes ever again.

“i see. minhyuk, what did you think of the play?” – kihyun can feel slight tremble in minhyuk’s hand, he can’t let him go, not yet.

“i liked the previous one more, this one felt sadder yet too shallow, i didn’t feel for any of the characters”, - kihyun smirks, the host went a little too ambiguous, he saw only the front – rich boy and his servant, and didn’t bother to look deeper. the spoiled arrogant son and minhyuk have nothing in common, if kihyun were to become the sacrifice it would be his own decision.

“alright, i will make a note of this for later”, - kihyun shivers at the possibility of them meeting again. – “but i get it that you still don’t know how the trick with realistic killing works, am i right? if you wish come visit me tomorrow at this time and i will show it, exclusively for you”

“what about the master not telling his secrets?” – kihyun can feel minhyuk slip away. (he wants to catch minhyuk, he wants to pull minhyuk in and don’t let him go).

“i feel i disappointed you with tonight’s play, i wish to make up for it”, - the sweetness doesn’t fit with the sharpness and coldness of the host’s demeanor.

“kihyun, what do you think?” – minhyuk turns away to face kihyun, his eyes are a bouquet of various emotions – want, need, fear, anger, and something else, something so tiny yet so warm. kihyun is aware he shouldn’t indulge this, he can taste the danger.

he nods. he lets minhyuk let out a small excited squeal, but his eyes are solid. kihyun fears what kind of plan minhyuk is coming up right now, he isn’t after only a neat trick, he is after something else.

the anger doesn’t drape down from minhyuk’s posture even as they make it back. he sits on kihyun’s bed, fuming. kihyun sits next to him, feeling even more tired from tonight than the previous time.

“any interesting thoughts to share?” – minhyuk turns to him, that solid look in his eyes fracturing under the high heat of all of his anger.

“i care about you, kihyun, i would never do anything to hurt you on purpose”, - kihyun doesn’t know what to say, so he stays quiet.

he doesn’t tell minhyuk to leave, he lets minhyuk tightly wrap them with a blanket and fall asleep together. kihyun will deal with everything in the morning, but tonight they will simply sleep by each other’s side, tonight he is minhyuk’s kihyun and his chest doesn’t hurt so much anymore.

morning shouldn’t feel this warm, especially because minhyuk stole his already too thin blanket, but it feels okay; minhyuk is here, he is slightly pouting in his sleep. this feels nostalgic, just like when they were little and attached to each other to the point where they would often sleep in the same bed. yet it's completely unfamiliar, kihyun doesn’t hate it.

“am i that irrestible?” – minhyuk smiles and yawns, – “it’s okay, i know i am devishly handsome, even _the_ yoo kihyun can’t resist me”

kihyun pinches him slightly, minhyuk catches his hand and brings it to his chest; his heart beats slightly unsteadily, he must have had one of his unsettling dreams.

“you need to get out of my room quickly”, - minhyuk sighs and moves kihyun’s hand higher, right where his chest and neck connect. kihyun can feel minhyuk’s collarbones with his fingers. (he doesn't think, he doesn't breathe so it won't hurt).

“your father will be mad if he finds out you’ve been spending too much time with me again”, - minhyuk still won’t let kihyun go, but he looks more serious now. he brings kihyun’s hand to his face. kihyun is frozen. he can feel minhyuk’s breathing, he can feel minhyuk’s lips against his palm, they _are_ very soft. too unfamiliar. dangerous.

“minhyuk,-“

“i am sorry, you’re right”, - minhyuk is gone before kihyun can even process everything that happened. it’s right, if kihyun would start to think he wouldn’t be able to stop. so instead he quickly washes his face with icy cold water and gets ready for the day.

while he is busy helping around kitchen, he gets called to the mr lee’s office. this can’t be good. the last time this happened he had to hide from minhyuk for a week. all his old wounds hurt all over again, good thing he is wearing one of the older shirts today, it will most surely be ruined after this visit.

kihyun’s hand tremble as he knocks, those traitors. the response comes after an eternity, kihyun wishes the wait would last longer.

minhyuk is a copy of his father – that same face, the soft curl of lips, the sharp slab of the chin, high cheekbones and pretty curve of the forehead. but their eyes are completely different; minhyuk’s soft and playful, mismatched, too precious, too special, round with curiosity and full of genuine care for life in everything and everyone. mr lee’s eyes are empty.

“kihyun.” – kihyun bows again, he looks at the floor, not daring to look up. kihyun has been told his own eyes are full of too much stubbornness and sharpness, minhyuk however told him once that his eyes are full of sunshine, it’s better for mr lee to not see any of these.

“yes, sir”, - kihyun tries to make his voice calm, quiet, submissive. he isn’t sure it works quite well.

“i was told minhyuk keeps visiting your room at night time”, - don’t fight back, keep quiet, if you won’t fight you won’t get hurt, - “i believe we had this conversation before”

“we did, sir”, - agree with everything, it doesn’t matter what you say. stay, stay, don’t run.

“and? you still keep messing up with my heir’s head”, - not even a son, minhyuk isn’t a son to him. minhyuk is an heir, a title, not a child, not a human.

“he is working on a new experiment, he’s been asking for my help”, - tell the truth without telling the truth. – “that is all, sir”

“i will believe your dirty lie for now, however, if i hear you’ve been spending time with him again”, - kihyun bows and awaits to be dismissed. his shirt is saved. – “you may leave”

“thank you, sir”, - don’t run, don’t run now.

as soon as kihyun leaves the room the world around starts spinning; he survived, he survived today, his head will need some time to adjust to this. his body still can’t relax even when several hours pass, he tries to focus on the work but it all feels too impossible, this is a dream, he has never left mr lee’ office completely unscathed. his head brings up an older memory of minhyuk drunk on one glass of wine promising that no one will ever hurt him, he pushes it away, this is a rare moment of luck and nothing else. (the memory lingers for the rest of the day anyway).

good things seem to never last long enough for kihyun, because the sun sets and it’s time to meet that awful man again. minhyuk somehow knows that he shouldn’t come to kihyun’s rooms since they meet outside, maybe he was that sure that kihyun will most definitely follow him today. (he isn’t wrong).

“are you doing alright?” – kihyun doesn’t know how to explain everything, so he nods. he is alright. he is here, with minhyuk, going to meet the devil. kihyun will kill the devil if it comes to it, even if it kills him as well. kihyun is alright.

“that’s good”, - mihnyuk’s smile is softer and more quiet than usual, kihyun doesn’t mind, it feels nice. comforting, it feels comforting.

somehow along the way to the carriage minhyuk reaches out to kihyun’s hand, kihyun lets it be; minhyuk’s hands are too cold, so kihyun’s tries to warm them up a little. minhyuk turns to him, his cheeks are reddening slightly. kihyun should’ve pestered him into dressing up warmer, because now minhyuk is so cold and kihyun can only offer so much of his own warmth.

“kihyunie, if i ask you something will you do it for me?” – kihyun tries to cover both of minhyuk’s hands with his, which is a complicated task – minhyuk’s hands are way bigger.

“sure, though it depends, i might not like your request”, - minhyuk sighs, then pouts. then shakes his head and turns away.

“never mind”, - kihyun shrugs it away, if minhyuk actually wanted something he wouldn’t hesitate. this is him simply being restless, nothing more.

the host's sickly sweet smile falters a little at the sight of them two still holding onto each other; kihyun smiles back at him. they are doomed, they were doomed as soon as minhyuk received that goddamned invitation for the first play, but at least kihyun will get in some punches while going down.

“my lovely guests, you still came”, - minhyuk bows and leans closer to kihyun.

“of course, you promised to show me your secret. feels fitting since you already know mine”, - minhyuk’s eyes are not smiling, neither does his voice. kihyun shudders, he’s never met this minhyuk before. what minhyuk’s secret does the host know? probably the plays, but that’s not valuable. kihyun feels trapped, it is a first time, he never felt caged around minhyuk but he does right now. a game going between the two people next to him, they exchange words full of mysteries only the two of them seem to understand.

they walk into a room that should feel homelike with all the furniture and decorations, but it feels empty, unlived. it feels dead. minhyuk and host step out for a second or maybe longer, the air around kihyun tastes sweet, his head spins. maybe it’s the room, weird thing to make rooms in your house do but kihyun can’t do much for it to stop.

it’s the candles, he needs to blow them out and get the windows open. he needs to find minhyuk. something terrible is happening to him right now, kihyun can feel it. his heart feels so heavy, burdened with the scary thoughts. his hands feel too slippery, too soft to open the windows so he punches them out. he punches again and again until his fists hurt and the room slowly gets colder with the fresh night air.

kihyun’s head clears out a little, his body feels less drunk. now he needs to get out of here and find minhyuk. now he only needs to get out-

the door opens. he notices drops of blood around the hosts mouth, his stomach twists, it must be minhyuk’s. his mind realizes mid-through that he jumped at the host. the host however doesn’t react, he lets kihyun hit him a couple of time until kihyun gets pushed away.

“you are one of the few to guess that candles are toxic”, - kihyun slowly stands up, attacking the host head on won’t do any good even though that’s the only thing he can think of as of now.

“where is minhyuk?” – his mouth tastes metal, his lips are broken.

“next door, dying”, - fuck. it takes all of kihyun’s mental strength not to jump on the host again. – “i thought you would be worse off, yet you seem to keep surprising me”

“i will kill you”, - kihyun’s voice sounds so far away from where his head should be.

“i know, you will destroy me. you will burn me down, take my heart out or something similar”, - the hosts lets out a little laugh. – “i come to offer you a deal however. you, of course, can stay here and try to kill me, i will even give you whatever weapon you want. or i will give you something that can possibly save your boy”

kihyun reaches his hand out, a small vile of something almost black is given to him with a pitying smile. if he has enough time, he will wipe it off. right now minhyuk is the priority.

minhyuk is laying down, his neck is a mess kihyun doesn’t know how to deal with. his hands start to shake but there is no time to panic, he needs to save minhyuk now, he can’t slip away.

“minhyuk, please, please, drink this, please”, - minhyuk is so weak, kihyun has to hold him up. minhyuk is hurting all over and kihyun doesn’t know how to stop it. his body is trained for pain and suffering, he would take it all away if only he knew how.

“kihyunie”, - minhyuk’s eyes are so dark, kihyun doesn’t know how to pour all of the sunlight back in.

“it’s okay, minhyukie, he said you will be okay now”, - kihyun holds minhyuk as gently as he can, his own knuckles won’t stop bleeding. blood is everywhere and he doesn’t know how to stop if from flowing around them.

“he said it will make me like him, i don’t want it”

“it’s okay, you won’t be like him”, - minhyuk cries. kihyun wishes he could cry too, but it won’t help them, so he keeps it in.

“please, kihyunie, i really don’t want to, take it away”, - kihyun’s heart stops. – “please, i want to go while i’m still me”

“i cannot do that, i won’t let you die”

“you can’t decide that for me, you don’t owe me”, - minhyuk looks at him. kihyun looks back. something shatters in-between them.

“i am so disappointed in you, minhyuk, i believed you to have more to offer me”, - kihyun keeps looking at minhyuk, if he looks away everything will go ablaze.

“on the other hand, kihyun, you turned out to be far more interesting”, - minhyuk goes numb in kihyun’s arms. kihyun wonders if he screams right now will it wake him up. – “i can save him again, you will have to pay for it though”

“alright”, - kihyun can’t think, nothing matters anymore, he needs to see minhyuk safe and then he will figure out something for himself.

“you think too special of this boy, he is a spoiled child nothing more”, - the host sits down to kihyun’s eye level. – “i find you will be more fun to play with, come with me”

“save him and i will do anything”, - maybe, kihyun thought it, maybe, he said it out loud. the host heard him.

minhyuk is taken away from him and put on the bed, his wound gets tended to; kihyun exhales only when he sees minhyuk’s body relaxed, his breath steadied, his face calm and serene in sleep.

“if he doesn’t wake up, i will set this house and all of us on fire”, - the host meets kihyun’s eyes, his smile gets dropped by something in kihyun’s eyes.

“time for you to pay up, follow me”, - kihyun wants to argue that he won’t move until he sees minhyuk wake up, but he’s been testing his luck for long enough, so he leaves the room.

the host walks him into a different room, there is already someone there – a very young boy, he might be way younger than kihyun. a child, he is brought to room with a child and kihyun can feel his knuckles ache and shake.

“kihyun will be taking your place, i found he will be more useful to me than you”, - the boy seems scared yet he bows and walks up to kihyun. he points to kihyun’s wrist, kihyun looks over to the host that simply nods at him. the boy bites him and kihyun doesn’t register it as weird until his entire body feels on fire, he wants to pull his hand back, he wants to scream, but he tells himself to stay steady, to stay calm. do not run, it will hurt more if you run now, wait out, keep quiet. _stay stay stay_. kihyun focuses on seeing minhyuk wake up, he will rest and they will talk it through. there is a way out of here, minhyuk is smart enough, he can figure out how the hell works and how to break out of it.

kihyun has to drink some of the boy’s blood too, that sounds absolutely insane but he complies. as soon as everything's done, the boy falls down. then kihyun hears a shot. someone from behind him shot this boy. laying down he looks no older than 17, kihyun chokes back another scream. then everything vanishes.

* * *

during the following week kihyun hasn’t been ordered to do anything yet, he is left to his own devices. he never thought he’d miss sun so much, he tried sticking his hand out of the window during morning to check how much it would hurt. the answer is it hurts a lot, so much, in fact, that he actually cried from pain for the first time after everything. the boss – he is told that’s how he has to call the host now – seemed annoyed and told him if kihyun loses a hand he will be useless to him, yet kihyun heals in three days, only a faint scar being left on his palm. the boss squealed with delight, kihyun almost barfed. that is probably why he is untouchable for now – he has provided something interesting and fun, it won’t last for long however.

kihyun spends most of his time next to minhyuk, the doctor taking care of him doesn’t seem to mind, kihyun is even allowed to help from time to time; it feels nice, he asks the doctor if he could teach kihyun more and gets a perhaps.

minhyuk seems to be getting better, his fever slowly drops and his breathing gets steadier. kihyun doesn’t know what will happen after, everything still feels like a nightmare. he vaguely heard the boss passing over the news of him and minhyuk trying to run away that night and getting killed by robbers on their way out of city. kihyun wants to argue that he would never agree to something so reckless yet he did agree to come right into the devil’s lair, hand in hand with minhyuk, so he lets it be.

minhyuk wakes up, kihyun panics and doesn’t know what to do. the doctor rushes to his side to ask questions and check if everything is okay, minhyuk answers so quietly and softly, his eyes are still too dark, his skin is so pale and thin kihyun is sure it would crumble at the slightest of the touch.

when the doctor is satisfied with minhyuk’s answers he leaves to talk with the boss. minhyuk looks over to kihyun.

“missed me?” – kihyun wants to cry.

“minhyuk, listen, i’m-“

“i am sorry, kihyunie, i am so sorry”, - minhyuk’s the first to cry, kihyun can’t keep his hands away so he lets himself wipe all of the tears he can catch, but there is so many of them. – “i am so, so sorry, i thought i’d find a way to break him apart, i though i’d get him to apologize to you and-“

“it’s fine, don’t cry, you need to keep your strength”, - minhyuk sniffles, the shards in kihyun’s chest are trying to cut their way out, - “please”

“we need to run, we need to get out of here”, - kihyun considered that, the doctor must’ve sensed what kihyun was planning and told him about those who dared to leave; the boss doesn’t hurt you directly, he finds ways to hurt you through any weakness you have. kihyun’s weakness has already killed both of them once, he isn’t risking the second time.

“i think he’ll let you go, minhyukie, you will be safe”, - kihyun can feel minhyuk’s anger with his fingertips, but he doesn’t move away yet. he drops on minhyuk a soft smile, then he moves in even closer, as close as he can let himself and leans all of him onto minhyuk. for the first time, for the last time, he can let himself do this. minhyuk softens and cups kihyun’s face, holding onto him.

“kihyunie, i will get you out”, - kihyun doesn’t move. he wants a second, a moment of pretending like nothing in the world means anything except the two of them being here, being so close.

“you can’t outsmart the devil, minhyukie”, - kihyun feels minhyuk’s sigh against his lips. – “if you didn’t lie about caring for me then stay away from him and stay away from me”

“ki-“ - kihyun pulls away, takes a step back, then another one for good measure.

“someone will be back here to explain everything to you, mr lee, you should rest for now”, - kihyun leaves without looking at minhyuk. if he did he would doom them both, what would be the point of it all then?

in the next few days the boss leaves town and takes kihyun with him, minhyuk is offered money and a house as well as guards to keep him safe, all of which he agrees to. kihyun holds his breath, it sounds too unlike minhyuk to simply settle in, his only hope is that he won’t come trying to save kihyun.

surely in several weeks he learns that minhyuk has disappeared by fooling the guards assigned to him, kihyun is surprised it took him this long. kihyun hopes minhyuk ran as far away from the boss as possible.

the boss slowly loses interest in kihyun, which leaves more freedom for him to actually start learning more about medicines and taking care of the wounds, but also he now gets to do the worst kind of jobs. well, the worst for the mighty elite vampires, not for kihyun however, he doesn’t mind running small errands and cleaning up rooms as long as he gets to avoid actively hurting anyone.

“kihyun, long time no see”, - kihyun wants to run. (towards minhyuk , away from him, with him).

“what are you doing here?” – sound cold, sound cold and distant, do not sound like you will bring mountains down just to stay with him for a moment longer.

“offering you to be on my side for one last time”, - minhyuk sounds stubborn, he has already come up with something and kihyun won’t be able to talk him out.

“i will pass”, - _go away, leave, leave, please leave_.

“i see. so this is it, you are the devil’s lapdog now, running around waggling your-“

“shut your mouth, lee minhyuk”, - minhyuk sounds hurt, kihyun is hurt too. he had so little and he lost it all. – “i am not doing it because _i_ decided to become this, all of this is because of you, the least you can do now is to leave me alone”

if kihyun did this years ago then maybe they wouldn’t be here, but kihyun is finally doing it now. pushing minhyuk out was always the most right thing to do. the boss will eventually forget who minhyuk is and how he met kihyun, that’s what kihyun's learned: the boss forgets everything with time, he has no need for memories, he has others to get information for him when necessary.

with time the boss will forget what kihyun’s weakness is and both of them will be safe.

with time kihyun won’t have a weakness anymore, then he will save himself. with time kihyun will get free from everyone and everything that hurt him. all he needs now is to simply hold on. just hold on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading !!! this was part one to set up the relationships between min and ki , part two coming some time later since it will be much Much longer and more detailed , if i write it well :D


	2. Part 2 - Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyungwon dreams of blood, it fills his lungs and overflows from his mouth. he wakes up with the taste of metal on his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw cw sexual harassment , blood , injuries , alcohol , mentions of abuse , kidnapping

hyungwon didn’t want to go to this outing, he is here only for his mom so she can flaunt him around: her most prized possession, the jewel of her crown – her young handsome son, who is studying to be a doctor, but oh, didn’t you know he is excellent at playing piano and has a beautiful singing voice as well. come here, hyungwon, smile, keep quiet, say you’re happy, say you love it, sing for us, play for us, put you hair up, stop frowning, you look pretty when you're silent. if hyungwon could only get enough champagne in him, then he would stop caring. (if only there was enough champagne to stop him from caring for forever).

“you should just drink from the bottle”, - the unfamiliar voice sends shivers down hyungwon’s spine.

“excuse me?” – sound pleasant, sound nice, sound like you want to be here and not literally anywhere else.

“i’ve lost count of all the drinks you’ve had tonight, i believe drinking right out off the bottle would be more sufficient”, - it is one of the unfamiliar guests tonight, hyungwon was introduced to him but forgot his name already. his face is sharp, angles and shadows, his eyes are unreadable; hyungwon’s mind is screaming at him to get away from this man.

“i am not quite sure how to answer to this”, - the man smiles at him and steps a little closer. – “i don’t believe i caught your name”

“is it that necessary for you? you may call me anything you like”, - hyungwon’s head hurts too much to play along with this man, he lets out a little sigh.

“i am sorry if i sounded rude”, - the man keeps smiling, hyungwon doesn’t like his smile, there is something so wrong about it; hyungwon smiles back.

“you weren’t, i simply did not introduce myself, i see no use of names anyway”, - hyungwon downs another glass of champagne, this night has been dragging on for too long.

“if you wish to stay anonymous i won't pester you for a name then”, - the man nods at him and stretches a hand to hyungwon, hyungwon reaches out, instead of a handshake the man catches his hand and kisses it. (run hyungwon run run run run).

“i hope to see more of you, hyungwon”, - hyungwon’s name sounds all wrong dropping from his mouth, it’s drowned in blood and decay. hyungwon doesn’t say anything, he freezes in hopes this man will leave him alone now.

hyungwon doesn’t remember how he made it to home, he should probably change out of his clothes and go to sleep. his mind is too restless for doing anything 

(hyungwon dreams of blood, it fills his lungs and overflows from his mouth. he wakes up with the taste of metal on his tongue).

with days passing the memory of the strange man with no name fades away, leaving only faint smell of decomposing flesh, but if hyungwon doesn’t focus on it the smell doesn’t bother him all that much. he is sure their paths will never cross again, he is safe.

until it was his dad turn to brag about his smart son, wonderful young brain, the most expensive investment, the one to inherit the entirety of chae’s household when the time comes - and hopefully it won't come soon. the moment hyuongwon walks in his eyes find the man standing in the darkest corner of the room; the man smiles at him. hyungwon wants to run away.

he usually tries not to get too drunk around his father, but tonight’s different - tonight all of his organs are at war with each other.

“we meet again”, - hyungwon considers what would be more polite – throwing his drink at this guy or throwing up on his boots. the latter one he can explain with sickness, so it would be the best decision between the two.

“it appears so”, - don’t show how scared you are, don’t show you expect a punch and you won’t get one.

“it doesn’t sound as if you are very happy about it”, - hyungwon is being played around with. he relaxes, this is usual, he is used to feeling like a doll.

“does my happiness mean anything to you?” – the man smiles, hyungwon feels too drunk but not drunk enough at the same time, he drank his usual amount of champagne in hard liquors, he will probably regret it in the morning.

“what wonderful little sharp teeth are hidden inside your pretty mouth”, - hyungwon once again considers throwing up right on this man.

“here is your drink”, - next to the man walks up a younger stranger, he is shorter than both of them and dressed in much humbler clothes than everyone else, he must be this man’s employee. the older man ignores him and keeps looking attentively at hyungwon.

“you can put it here”, - hyungwon moves away a little, the younger man nods at him and puts the drink down; his face is angles and dark shadows too, but it doesn’t scare hyungwon, instead he wouldn’t mind talking to this guy instead.

“hyungwon, would you like for kihyun to stay?” – hyungwon blinks, he must’ve blanked out. – “you seem to like my servant more than me”

“i do not dislike you”, - it isn’t a lie, hyungwon doesn’t dislike him. hyungwon simply wishes they would’ve never met. kihyun gives him a quick worried glance over, hyungwon might’ve put him in trouble with his carelessness.

* * *

kihyun looks at the this young man in front of him – hyungwon – and tries to think of ways to get him out of the boss’s claws; there isn’t any, the boss looks too excited to have a new toy to play with. kihyun can only stay by close, kihyun can only offer his best. it’s his first time being asked to follow the boss for this and he’s most surely being tested. it doesn’t matter, if he goes down at the end he will save at least one more person, he will get at least one more life from the devil’s hands.

“i am flattered”, - the boss’s voice sounds sticky with fake sweetness, - “it would be a shame when i like you this much”

hyungwon goes still, kihyun is impressed with how quick this boy figured out the danger in the boss. (the memory brings another face, of someone who kept going in and falling down; kihyun wonders how he’s doing now, it’s been a while since they’ve met).

“kihyun, fetch hyungwon another drink”, - kihyun doesn’t want to leave now, if he does-

“thank you, kihyun, i don't want to drink anymore”, - they look at each other; kihyun tries to look calm, so does hyungwon. kihyun notices the light tremble in hyungwon’s hands as he fixes his hair. – “i would rather go home, i feel a little sick”

“let me take your home then” – the boss is getting slightly impatient, he doesn’t even coat the command with sugar and honey.

“there is no need-“

“i insist”, - kihyun wants to scream at this boy to run, get your things and run for as long as you can.

“boss, i believe hyungwon’s father will be too worried if he leaves without notice with a stranger”, - hyungwon looks at kihyun with gratitude. if only kihyun could actually save him from all the pain that’s about to come. at least kihyun can try to save him.

“oh, you think so?” – kihyun is in trouble, he is in a big trouble, his entire body aches with future wounds. – “yes, it might be so. but, my dear, we will have to meet tomorrow, i will be worried about your health”

“of course”, - hyungwon leaves, unscathed and safe for now. for now kihyun will bear the scars for him.

it is ridiculous, it is dangerous. kihyun has been trying so hard, he’s been doing so well to lay low, to do everything that will get him out of trouble. he’s been avoiding irritating the boss in any of the ways only to ruin it all today for a boy he just met.

laying in his bed kihyun lets himself think about minhyuk. it’s been so long, too long. minhyuk actually did leave him alone and has been staying away this whole time, no news about him, absolutely nothing. kihyun thought at first that all of the memories would vanish with time, that all of them will get overwritten with new things, but his mind is a mysterious thing and a persistent one too. while he waits for the scars on his back to heal he lets himself to remember.

minhyuk stole him from his work, payed up another servant to cover for them and keep it on the low - all to bring kihyun to a pretty spot he noticed on his way back from the town last time. the carriage had to stop that time and minhyuk wandered around for a while, when he stumbled upon a little lake hidden by the forest and _absolutely had to_ _bring kihyun here as well_.

“don’t you think it’s nice here?” – it was, it was so nice. it was so quiet, the sunlight dancing off the trees, reflecting sparkles on minhyuk’s face making him look less of a human and more of a woodland spirit.

minhyuk almost pushed him into the water and kihyun from back then yelled at him; kihyun from now would’ve let him do anything if it meant staying there for longer. kihyun from back then pushed minhyuk in return and tried to stay away as much as he could for some stupid reason; kihyun from now would’ve pulled minhyuk in, would’ve hold him close to the heart and stayed like that forever.

the scars heal fast leaving only the faintest of marks that will also go away in some time. kihyun’s body keeps getting better and better at dealing with pain which is not surprising, he’s been training since he was only a child. he turns around on his back and his thoughts wonder to hyungwon. he could save minhyuk because there was someone taking him away and tending to his wounds, who could do that for hyungwon? kihyun can’t escape, his weakness is still alive, far away, that's true, but present and still as painful as ever.

only one name comes to his mind but it’s impossible. that would bring the most painful kihyun's spot to the light and also make kihyun a hypocrite, saying to stay away and then begging for help. but it’s not help for him (not only him), so he needs to push his pride and safety aside and reach out now. it is dangerous and if the boss were ever to find out about minhyuk-

it will be okay, minhyuk has been surving, there is no way he hasn't and he seems to listen to kihyun so it must be okay. kihyun will get hyungwon out and deal with everything else later. he won’t listen to another story of a young person dying while losing their sense of self and throwing themselves against the walls. hyungwon won’t become just another story for the rest of the boss’s entourage to laugh about.

as the sun is setting kihyun sends a letter to the last address he remembered minhyuk’s name being mentioned with, if nothing comes of it at least kihyun will take away from the boss the pleasure of seeing this young boy die.

* * *

the nightmare man meant it when he said they will meet tomorrow; he comes for an evening visit to his parents since he is a doctor, a traveler, a writer, a merchant. he is something, anything you want him to be, everything you ask him to become he acts it out for you. kihyun is with him as well, there is a faint scar on his cheek that wasn’t there before. (was hyungwon the one to cause it?).

he talks so well, his words are sugary water, they flow in and out of hyungwon’s ears, he can’t remember one solid thing this man said. hyungwon’s mom is flattered this fine gentleman is interested in hyungwon, hyungwon’s dad doesn’t care as long as he is the one getting praised for bringing up such intelligent and educated young person, he must look up a lot to you mr chae, what great parents the two of you are. hyungwon’s home never felt more dangerous; his home has been invaded by a monster and no one can help him, he is the only who sees this beast.

hyungwon excuses himself under the pretense of still not feeling too well and needing some fresh air, his dad looks annoyed but lets him leave for a couple of minutes. hyungwon thinks how nice it would be to stay in the garden, run through the garden, run away from this garden.

“what exactly is your boss?” – kihyun walks up a bit closer to him now that he’s been noticed. – “what does he want with me?”

“he finds you pretty”, - hyungwon wants to start screaming, he will start throwing rocks, this man is first. – “i don’t know how you can get out now”

“this is great, very helpful”, - hyungwon is doomed. he is doomed and he will most surely die, - “any more useful words from you?”

“i can only do so much, i am in an even worse position than you”, - kihyun ignores all the bitterness in hyungwon’s words. hyungwon feels a little regretful, kihyun isn’t the one at fault.

“is it because of me?” – he points at kihyun’s face.

“no. it is because of my own actions. i would’ve advised you to run, but he will catch you anyway”, - hyungwon only now understands how cold he’s been this whole time, he should’ve put a jacket on, - “i am sorry”

he closes hyungwon’s mouth with his hand – and hyungwon falls into the dark.

* * *

kihyun holds fragile hyungwon in his arms, he regrets not bringing more blankets. he regrets hyungwon has to be here, trying to get the boss to change his mind didn't work so he had to come up with an incredibly flimsy plan to save whatever will be left of this boy by the end. the boss comes in with the smell of burning, lights a cigarette and looks over at hyungwon; kihyun reflexively pulls the boy closer to his chest.

“this one has such beautiful eyes, it’s such shame how vile they all become”, - the boss exhales a puff of smoke, - “i like their eyes to be clear and bright with fear for as long as possible”

kihyun doesn’t say anything, his back feels sticky with sweat, he needs to pretend to be interesting, to be interested, to be fond.

“these rich bastards, always so high and mighty up on their horses, feels good to knock them down from time to time”, - kihyun doesn’t breathe, this was said just for him; this isn’t what the boss actually means, this is a game designed only for kihyun. he plays along, he nods and mumbles something back that the boss founds fine enough to smirk at.

the rest of the ride is silent, kihyun hopes everything will work out, he hopes it will be enough; his entire plan is based on too many unknown factors, if something happens at the wrong time they all will burn. (kihyun snips the bitterness in the bud, how good would it be to not feel guilty and responsible all the time, how good would it be to actually sit back and watch it all burn).

* * *

hyungwon wakes up at unfamiliar room, it is spinning around or, maybe, it is him who can’t stay still. he tries to get up but the floor escapes from under his feet and he falls back onto the bed.

“rise and shine, my dear”, - this is nightmare, a new nightmare to look out for at nights. – “shall i help you stand?”

the monster doesn’t wait for hyungwon’s answer and pulls him up; hyungwon smells lavender, it is not enough to hide the smell of death.

“i want to go home”, - the monster smiles, its teeth look so sharp, too sharp, they look like they could bite through stone. what’s hyungwon’s flesh to them?

“oh, what a shame, you don’t have one anymore. you set it on fire”, - this doesn’t sound right. this sounds just right. hyungwon’s mind struggles to keep the thoughts coherent, hyungwon wants to cry.

“you will now have to stay with me, dear, until you die. how fun, right?” – hyungwon finally manages to stand on his own feet. he knows he should pull away but his brain is frozen. with fear. with anticipation of the pain to come. the monster lift up his face and hyungwon is waiting for his neck to snap.

the first punch falls on his mouth, he doesn’t move an inch. close your eyes tightly and it will go away. hyungwon’s lips sting with the taste of mold and blood.

“i knew you were a smart boy”, - monster’s words leave burns on hyungwon’s skin. its lips keep punching hyungwon’s body.

hyungwon screams. he can taste his own blood, he can feel his own blood trickle down - the monster is eating him alive. when will hyungwon wake up?

“boss!” – kihyun’s voice is the only tangible thing in the room, hyungwon wants to yell for him to run. (in, away, somewhere, do something please please _please_ ).

the monster drops hyungwon to the ground, it smells angry; hyungwon can hear voices talk behind the door, he is too hurt to move, he can feel his thoughts burn and turn to ash before he can understand what is it he wants to scream out loud.

* * *

the boss finally leaves to deal with urgent problems crafted by kihyun, he has very little time now; he quickly runs to hyungwon. the boy is so scared, his neck is in a bloody mess left by the boss’s teeth (animal animal monster); kihyun bandages it as fast as it’s only possible, hyungwon's still in danger of bleeding out to death.

“drink this”, - kihyun holds his head, helping him drink a vial of boss’s blood, kihyun will come up with a tale about how he lost something so precious later. – “i will have to carry you, alright? hold onto me tightly”

hyungwon is shaking in kihyun’s arms, kihyun needs to hurry, he needs to move faster.

“what did he do to me?” – hyungwon’s voice falls too small, too quiet.

“shh, don’t waste your strength for this”, - kihyun finally makes it out of the villa borders, if he counted everything correctly they will make it to safety soon. kihyun doesn’t know what to say, kihyun hopes minhyuk will have better words. (kihyun knows minhyuk will have better words).

* * *

minhyuk shouldn’t have listened to kihyun, he should’ve waited outside of the villa for them. the time hasn’t come yet, but each minute is spent in pain of anticipation. what if the boss somehow hurt kihyun? (then minhyuk will find him and tear his head off of course, but that won't save kihyun).

it’s good he still gets all of his letters redirected to his new house from all the places he stayed at before; he doesn’t know what would he do with himself if he wouldn’t get to see kihyun ever again. his body aches so bad, he thinks about how much must've kihyun changed over the years; does he still has that half-smile half-smirk? will he let minhyuk reach out to him? does his voice is still full of sugar or did it turn to glass with how much pain he had to bare at minhyuk’s fault? his hands feel clammy and itchy, his foot tapping impatiently. it’s been too long, he’s been away for so long yet his soul never stopped beckoning for kihyun to let him in, yet his mind never stopped running around everything kihyun.

“help me”, - minhyuk runs to meet kihyun’s voice; kihyun holds a young boy in his arms, minhyuk gently takes him to let kihyun get down from the horse.

kihyun guides him how to put the boy down the best, then covers the boy – hyungwon – with blankets and goes to wash hands. minhyuk is too stunned to even speak, from receiving a letter from kihyun with asking for help – minhyuk’s help, yoo kihyun asked for minhyuk’s help – to actually seeing him here.

his posture has more edge to it, he looks tougher and rougher at the seams but his eyes are still full of that steady calm light, his voice - soft and soothing. minhyuk missed him so much, too much. how can he ever let kihyun go away again?

“watch what i am doing, you will have to do this too until the wound heals properly”, - minhyuk nods and scoots closer to kihyun. (he still smells like daisies, minhyuk's head is drunkenly spinning). kihyun moves slow and gives out remarks on how minhyuk will need to work around the wound later, minhyuk nods along, catching every kihyun's word and holding it tightly. kihyun’s hands are gentle but sure in what they’re doing, as he finishes he wipes the sweat of hyungwon’s forehead and fixes the blankets.

“you are good at this”, - minhyuk wants to pull kihyun in, to see if he isn’t hurt anywhere, to hold him still and safe for at least a moment.

“i had some years to practice”, - kihyun moves away too far from minhyuk. – “i am sorry”

“don’t be, you did everything you could. will you be okay?” – kihyun sighs. (if minhyuk simply attaches himself to his side he won’t be able to leave, right?)

“i need to go now”, - kihyun steps away, minhyuk follows. – “when hyungwon wakes up, will you-“

“i will explain it all to him, don’t worry. i will give him anything he asks for”, - kihyun nods and turns around to give minhyuk a little smile. it’s more than minhyuk could’ve ever asked for yet it leaves him wanting for more. (stay, stay here).

“thank you, minhyuk”, - kihyun leaves, minhyuk can only hope they will meet again.

he spends the rest of the night looking over hyungwon, his mind racing with everything terrible that can happen to kihyun. it won't though, it simply cannot happen. kihyun is so strong and smart, he will figure out something. minhyuk spent this whole time trying to stay away, he learnt things about the boss too - he learnt that doing anything will put kihyun under the blame first. he's already ruined too much of kihyun, he can't keep doing it anymore.

but minhyuk can't simply leave him alone anymore. he foolishly thought that after some time will pass his mind will stop hurting with kihyun but it didn't, seeing him again, standing so close to him - minhyuk isn't running anymore. he will find a way to break apart that hell, he will get kihyun out. 

minhyuk's body slowly gives in to the quiet and calm, hyungwon seems to be at peace for now, minhyuk has some time to rest for the time being. so he rests while he still can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading !!! next chapter will take a bit longer to write , but hopefully i will be done with it by the end of the month !!!!
> 
> i have a [cc](https://curiouscat.me/g5raemin) if you ever want to ask anything / send support or threats !!! everything is welcomed i do not judge


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